He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize