I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
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