I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Welp...herpes.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
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