When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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