i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
