So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
