Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
