I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Where are you?
In a non slutty way
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Randomize
