i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
