he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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