It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Randomize
