I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
