if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
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