i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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