You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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