How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
