her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
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