apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
