I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
