I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
