You know, be my cock's hype man.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize