I got her a Nickelback box set.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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