Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
