Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
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