Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
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