hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
