Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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