TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
