I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
