Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
you didnt know i had herpes?
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
