Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Randomize
