I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
