Have you finally orgasmed yet?
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
