Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
