Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
