the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
