i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Randomize
