When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
she peed on how many people?
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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