ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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