Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
