I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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