my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I am naked and annoyed.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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