This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
