I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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