I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
