I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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