That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
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