People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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