i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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