What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I just googled if crying burns calories
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
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