You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
we're making bets on your personal life
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize