If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
