she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
