when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
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