I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
He's on the porch naked. Help.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
