I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Randomize
