One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Randomize