Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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