Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
