sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Randomize
