I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
So much Jack, so little girl.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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