Three words: puerto rican gang bang
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
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