The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize
