There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
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