Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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