Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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