The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Randomize
