Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
it's great music for shaving your balls
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
