you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
