I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
